Why Belonging Matters: Building Teams that Thrive

What Makes You Feel Like You Belong?

Feeling isolated doesn’t just hurt emotionally; it clouds our thinking and holds back our performance. Geoffrey Cohen, a psychologist at Stanford, has found through his research that exclusion or uncertainty about belonging can trigger a stress response as intense as physical pain. I’ve seen this in my own life—how even a subtle sense of not fitting in can drain energy and focus. This “fight-or-flight” state, as Cohen and researchers like Steve Cole and Naomi Eisenberger explain, eats away at mental resources, diminishing focus, motivation, and resilience. In new or challenging settings, I know how powerful these feelings of isolation can be, shaking confidence and making it tough to fully engage.

Cohen’s work, along with insights from Brené Brown, reveals something powerful: creating a sense of belonging doesn’t require grand gestures. Instead, small, thoughtful actions that make people feel valued can go a long way in helping them thrive. I’ve seen the impact of these small gestures—whether it’s a word of encouragement or a shared struggle—and how they bring people together in genuine ways.

Cohen has dedicated much of his career to understanding how belonging shapes behaviour and success. His research shows that even small, intentional acts can significantly influence how people feel in uncertain environments. Researchers like Greg Walton, Claude Steele, and Catherine Good reinforce these findings, showing that small, supportive actions build resilience, foster community, and enhance well-being.

By addressing feelings of isolation and fostering connection, Cohen’s work reveals simple, effective ways to help people feel seen, supported, and part of a community. In my own work, I try to integrate these insights—whether by openly sharing my challenges or encouraging others to reflect on what truly matters to them. Using these ideas, we can show that even modest, authentic actions can have a profound impact on team morale and a sense of belonging.

The simple truth is: without belonging, performance suffers. Geoffrey Cohen’s research shows that when people feel disconnected or unsure if they belong, it can trigger stress responses comparable to physical pain, draining mental energy and stifling focus and creativity. Cohen, along with researchers like Steve Cole at UCLA, describes social isolation—and even more so, mobbing or bullying—as a “psychological toxin” that impairs people’s ability to think clearly and perform well. This effect is especially critical in fields where creativity and innovation are key.

What I find remarkable is that belonging isn’t just a “feel-good” wellness add-on—it’s essential to how we function at our best. I saw this firsthand with school kids in my family, noticing how mobbing could erode their confidence, focus, and even their willingness to engage. Some became hesitant and withdrawn, their cognitive performance compromised by the fear of being singled out. But in classrooms and teams where people feel connected and valued, they engage fully, free from the mental weight of self-doubt, isolation, or fear of being targeted. In my experience, a strong sense of belonging doesn’t just boost morale; it unlocks the kind of creative thinking that drives innovation forward.

In short, belonging creates an environment where people feel seen and valued, motivating them to contribute fully and bring their most inventive selves to their work. And when I ask myself what more I can do to foster belonging, I come back to these small actions and the big impact they can have on the people around me.

Cohen’s research on social-belonging interventions revolves around simple, meaningful actions—like sharing our own struggles, showing belief in others’ potential, and creating moments for connection. When brought into the workplace, these gestures create real, lasting changes in team dynamics.

1. Believe in Everybody’s Potential

It’s amazing how a few encouraging words go a long way. Cohen’s studies show that believing in someone’s potential boosts confidence and motivation. Telling someone, “I know you can handle this,” might be all they need to feel encouraged. Studies back this up, showing that when leaders express confidence in their team members, they spark motivation, even during tough projects. Cohen’s research also shows that this small show of faith can buffer against “stereotype threat”—the worry of not measuring up, especially for those who may feel out of place.

I experienced this during a student job at a software company. Surrounded by seasoned colleagues, I was eager to prove myself yet filled with self-doubt. One day, my manager pulled me aside and said, “I see your dedication—you’ve got this.” Those words completely shifted how I saw myself. They gave me the confidence to fully step in and contribute. It taught me how small gestures of belief can provide a foundation for confidence and genuine connection.

2. Normalize Adversity

Normalize adversity and instability. In those early stages, we’re more sensitive to setbacks and challenges until we regain stability and confidence.

Cohen’s work shows that recognising and normalising these vulnerable feelings helps people feel less isolated. Leaders who openly share their own early challenges foster a culture where resilience grows naturally, not as something forced. When someone says, “I felt out of place at first too,” it reminds others that struggles are a normal part of growth—and that the instability of starting fresh is only temporary.

I’ve found this approach isn’t just effective at work; it’s equally powerful with children. When my child faced a tough situation a couple of weeks back, she told me, “Mama, I’m a strange kid, and that’s why this happens to me.” In response, I shared a story from my own childhood, about a time when I felt the same way. Sharing my own experiences of doubt or difficulty helps her feel less alone, understanding that setbacks are something we all go through. It’s a simple but effective reminder that challenges are part of the journey and that stability and confidence do return with time.

As Brian Johnson, founder of Philosopher’s Notes, often says, “There are no perfect human beings”—we’re all just people, navigating our challenges, imperfections, and growth. It’s completely normal.

3. Build Community

Shared moments, even small ones, form the foundation of real connection. Whether it’s a virtual coffee break or a team lunch, creating spaces where people feel seen and heard goes a long way. I often used a “team spotlight” where each person got to share something personal. It’s a simple act but can break down barriers and bring people closer together.

4. Reconnect with Core Values

Imagine starting a check-in with, “What’s something you did this week that reflects what you care about?” It may sound simple, but I’ve seen how it brings people back to what matters.

Imagine starting a check-in with, “What’s something you did this week that reflects what you care about?” It may sound simple, but I’ve seen how it brings people back to what matters.

In my own work, for example in my Leadership Labs, when I share a story about why a certain value matters to me, it often prompts similar reflections from others, creating a more connected, authentic atmosphere.

If you’re curious about discovering your own core strengths or values, a great place to start is the VIA Character Strengths website from the team around Martin Seligman, where you can take a free survey to identify the values that resonate most deeply with you.

Research, including Brené Brown’s work, shows that leaders who share their values build genuine, trust-based connections within their teams.

Belonging: A Key to Lasting Impact

I’ve come to realise that small actions that foster a sense of belonging aren’t just “nice-to-haves”—they’re essential for creating a workplace where people can truly thrive. When leaders commit to simple yet meaningful gestures—showing belief in others, normalising struggles, reconnecting with shared values, and encouraging genuine connections—we build a foundation that goes far beyond day-to-day tasks. I’ve seen firsthand how belonging empowers people to bring their whole selves to work, strengthens resilience, and inspires real dedication.

As Cohen’s research and other studies show, a sense of belonging doesn’t develop overnight. But each small, thoughtful action brings us closer to a team that feels both connected and committed. It’s in these sincere moments of kindness and understanding that teams discover their true strength and unity.

So, I ask myself—and invite you to consider as well: What small gesture can I make today to help someone feel they belong?